At what point in your life are you supposed to do something with it? What is considered “doing something with your life?” At what point does having graduated college stop being a valid form of doing something with your life?
Sometimes I get a very deep feeling of being rushed and its totally, inexplicably attributed to feeling like I need/want/could do something with my life but not knowing what/not being able to do what I want to yet.
Some days my future is not seen through the lens of society’s expectations, but through my heart that just wants to wander into things that I love. Society (or maybe my parents, which is in turn society) makes me feel that since i’ve just graduated college, I need to be restlessly going after my career. But, I just moved to another country for 12 months, and can only have the same job here for 6 months, so finding my career right now just isn’t going to happen, and I get that, and I’m just here to hang out with my girl friend and enjoy this country, but my brain is still like, OK lets apply to jobs and look for Career work even though its unrealistic and pointless; Because I need to be bettering myself and that means obtaining a career that pays me well so that I can have a really nice apartment in a really nice city.
But that’s not the part of my life I’m in right now, and I don’t know how to make my brain understand this. Life doesn’t have to have the set stepping stones of School>College>Career>Marriage>House>Kids>Death and I don’t even want those stepping stones, anyway, but why does my brain keep making me feel rushed to get to the next stepping stone in my life?
There is time in between stepping stones, and the lengthening of the time from one to the next doesn’t mean that you get farther away from even being able to obtain the next stepping stone. The next stepping stone will be there when you want it, when you’re ready, when you wander into it.
Right now I’m in between stepping stones, and just want to ignore that they exist at all, and really, i’m trying to define my own stepping stones because I know I don’t want those societally depicted ones, because lets face it, they won’t make me happy, but how do I make what I’m doing right now feel valid? How do I calm myself down long enough to realize that what I’m doing is what I want to be doing, and that it is also making me happy so there is no reason to feel rushed or bad or anxious?
Hope to feel/hear from you soon,
A Very Restless Soul