I’m going to be looking through my journals and finding excerpts that describe/define (my) depression (even just a little bit). I need people to know that they’re not alone, that the negative thoughts their brains are making them think aren’t true- looking back at your journals on things you’ve said about yourself while your brain was in a bad place is a good way to show yourself that it is all untrue.
It is so weird looking back on these journals, at moments when I hated myself the most, and realizing that what I was feeling was all made up in my head, but also realizing that I’m going to have moments like these for the rest of my life where I’ll believe all of the negative shit I think about myself, no matter how many times I’ve told myself that it’s all just a state of mind.
“I love being alone, so why do I continue looking for people I can vibe with? Maybe I want to be inspired, or want to find happiness, and I know neither of those things are inside of myself.
I don’t know how to not get my hopes up. I don’t know how to say I need you, because I don’t know how to say I need you without feeling weak.
Life should be more about me, but I think that’s my problem: if I think about me any more i’ll explode.
When you hate yourself its hard to wanna make anything about you, even your own life.”